Jersey Shore

Morning Docket

Morning Docket: 05.26.20

* A New Jersey judge has ordered a local gym to remain closed for the time being. Guess "gym, tan, laundry" is currently impossible in the Garden State. [NewJersey.com] * The FBI is reportedly evaluating whether the the shooting of Ahmaud Arbery was a hate crime. [Seattle Times] * President Trump has said that Jeff Sessions was not "mentally qualified" to be Attorney General. [Guardian] * A Texas criminal defense lawyer has been arrested for trying to hire an undercover cop to commit murder. [Daily Mail] * As many of us Empire State lawyers know from firsthand experience, the COVID-19 pandemic has taken a huge toll on everyone involved with the New York courts system. [Daily News] * A Vermont attorney who pointed a gun at a store clerk due to social distancing restrictions has been suspended from practice. [CBS News] * Mets pitcher Noah Syndergraard is being sued by his landlord for missing payments on his $27,000-a-month New York City duplex. Maybe Syndergraard qualifies for unemployment while the Mets aren't playing, but don't think it'll cover his rent... [Yahoo News]

By Jordan Rothman
Morning Docket

Morning Docket: 10.08.18

Ed. note: In honor of Columbus Day (and Canadian Thanksgiving), Above the Law will be on a reduced publication schedule. We'll be back in full force tomorrow. * In case you somehow missed it, Brett Kavanaugh, who is "totally brilliant" per President Trump, was confirmed to the Supreme Court in one of the closest votes in American history (50 to 48). He was sworn in shortly thereafter by Chief Justice John Roberts and the recently retired Justice Anthony M. Kennedy. [New York Times] * It's certainly worth mentioning that Chief Justice Roberts received judicial misconduct complaints from the D.C. Circuit about Kavanaugh's hearing testimony, but he decided to not to do anything about them. Now, people are accusing Roberts of being involved in some sort of a Kavanuagh cover-up. [Washington Post] * As Kavanaugh mentioned during his confirmation hearing, he'll be the first Supreme Court justice to have four women law clerks. Counting his clerks, women will make up a majority of the Supreme Court's clerks for the first time in history. Nice work, Justice Brett. At least he's good for something. ¯_(ツ)_/¯ [National Law Journal] * "The women are against her." How did Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg become the feminist pop culture icon that we know and love today when she was almost bypassed for her SCOTUS nomination because women didn't trust her? [New Yorker] * We've got a situation! Jersey Shore cast member Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino will be heading to federal prison for eight months on tax evasion charges. Expect his co-stars to starting referring to him as "The Incarceration." [Courthouse News]

By Staci Zaretsky
Sponsored Content

The Hidden Threat: How Fake Identities used by Remote Employees Put Your Business at Risk—and How to Defend Against This

Based on our experience in recent client matters, we have seen an escalating threat posed by the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea (DPRK) information technology (IT) workers engaging in sophisticated schemes to evade US and UN sanctions, steal intellectual property from US companies, and/or inject ransomware into company IT environments, in support of enhancing North Korea’s illicit weapons program.

By Charles River Associates (CRA)
Morning Docket

Morning Docket: 09.15.15

* "We're going to the Jersey Shore, bitch!" This probably isn't the kind of marketing that Jackson Lewis had in mind when the firm announced it was going to be opening an office north of Seaside Heights. Associates, you better get ready for some very serious GTB (gym, tan, billable hours). [Big Law Business / Bloomberg BNA] * Kim Davis may be back to work at the Rowan County Clerk's Office in Kentucky, but that doesn't mean she's done with her fight to not do her job. She'll be suing Gov. Steve Beshear for failing to provide her with a religious accommodation. [Talking Points Memo] * Some progress has been made in the infamous "dancing baby" case thanks to a recent Ninth Circuit decision. As it turns out, "copyright law does not authorize thoughtless censorship of lawful speech.” Prince would've wanted it this way. [WSJ Law Blog] * Public interest problems: When you work in Biglaw, performing a high number of pro bono hours may keep you from "doing the amount or quality of billable that it takes to advance in the firm, because there's only 24 hours in the day." [Crain's Chicago Business] * Necrophilia is apparently still legal in several of our fine states, but a lawmaker in Massachusetts is trying to get a law on the books that would make sex with the dead illegal. It's already illegal for Massholes to have sex with animals, so it's only fair. [Metro]

By Staci Zaretsky
1st Circuit

Morning Docket: 09.25.14

* Per the First Circuit, plaintiffs who successfully challenge the Defense of Marriage Act in court aren’t entitled to attorneys’ fees. The Department of Justice had no comment. [National Law Journal] * Florida Coastal Law finished second-to-last in bar passage for the July 2014 exam, with 58% of grads passing. It was one of Florida Coastal’s worst performances to date. [Florida Times-Union] * ASU Law got a $10M donation, its largest ever. “The remarkable thing about it is we didn’t ask him for it,” says the dean, which is a slightly better response than Drexel’s dean had. [The Republic] * Much to his defense team’s chagrin, accused Boston Marathon bomber Dzhokhar Tsarnaev’s trial will remain in Boston. The media spectacle is set to begin in January 2015. [New York Times] * Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino of Jersey Shore fame was indicted on tax fraud charges to the tune of $8.9M. He pleaded not guilty yesterday afternoon. There aren’t tanning beds in jail. :( [Asbury Park Press]

By Staci Zaretsky
American Bar Association / ABA

Non-Sequiturs: 07.10.14

* According to his former lawyer, The Situation’s tan is as fake as his checks. [Defamer /Gawker] * The folks at New Republic explain the Notorious R.B.G. phenomenon in such excruciating detail as to make it really kind of awkward. [New Republic] * Lawyer who asked trainee 78 times to have sex with him and then secretly filmed her around the office gets an eight-month suspension and a fine. Seems like it should be more than that… [The Age] * Dealing with outfit “compliments” and maintaining your confidence. Frankly, learning how to deal with passive-aggressive jerks is an important skill for any working lawyer. [Corporette] * Law schools are in trouble, but something’s blocking reform: the ABA. Seriously, this article is probably a shocker if you haven’t been reading ATL for years. [Forbes] * Day 3 of the Sterling trial: wherein Donald calls his wife a “pig.” [mitchell epner] * Here’s why law students should care about legal funding. So they don’t screw up funding their cases as much as they did their education. [LFC 360] * Remember the brutal fan beating last year of a San Francisco Giants fan? A jury finds that the Los Angeles Dodgers acted negligently. [ESPN] * Corporate litigator leaves her gig to start a “Cat Cafe.” Which is exactly what it sounds like. [Denver Cat Co]

By Joe Patrice
Allen & Overy

Morning Docket: 11.26.13

* You’d think that when discussing major reforms to the patent system, the director of the USPTO would be there, but you’d be wrong. You’d also be wrong if you thought we had a director right now. [National Law Journal] * Welcome to the future of Biglaw: Allen & Overy has realized that it’s a waste of money to keep hiring in a weak market, so the firm is recruiting its alumni to serve as contract attorneys in times of higher legal demand. [Legal Week] * Dean Gregory Maggs, the interim leader of George Washington University Law, is being lauded for increasing first-year enrollment by 22 percent in a time of crisis. Excellent work, sir. You flood that job market. [GW Hatchet] * Just because you have a law degree doesn’t mean you’re “entitled to rise up and become partner.” Getting a job in the new normal involves having a good attitude and social graces. [WSJ Law Blog] * Ladies, if you get pregnant after a fling with an Olympic medalist and move out of state, please know your “appropriation of the child while in utero [will be deemed] irresponsible, reprehensible.” [New York Times] * GTL stands for “Gym, Tan, Laundry,” but the owner of these Jersey Shore nightclubs thinks it stands for “Gym, Tan, Lawsuit” — thanks to losses uncovered by its insurer in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. [Newark Star-Ledger]

By Staci Zaretsky
Associate Advice

Non-Sequiturs: 10.01.13

* A California judge sentenced a man to 53 years in prison and then officiated his wedding. So she gave him 53 years followed by a life sentence? Hey ho! [CBS News] * Jersey Shore’s The Situation suffers the indignity of a legal defeat. I mean, if he has dignity left. [South Florida Lawyers] * Who would make a better juror: a non-citizen or Charlie Sheen? I’d prefer to have Sheen… I don’t know if there are many crimes he wouldn’t understand. [The Atlantic] * The results are in from Kaplan’s just completed 2013 survey of law school admissions officers. The headline is that 54 percent of law school admissions officers report cutting their entering law school classes for 2013-2014 and 25 percent plan to do so again next year. Time to build another law school! [Kaplan Test Prep] * A comprehensive list of the crimes committed by Batman in Batman Begins. And I’m not entirely sure everything he did in his hostile takeover of Wayne Enterprises was on the up-and-up either. [Salt Lake Tribune] * Here’s a list of online resources for new attorneys. Here’s another helpful one. [Associate's Mind] * An attorney bit his 3-year-old son. Hurray for bath salts! [KRQE] * A record label threatened to sue a guy. Unfortunately for them they threatened to sue Professor Lawrence Lessig. [NPR] * Student loan default rates are at the highest level in 20 years. Seems like a sustainable model. [Chronicle of Higher Education] * The recycling of policy debaters into litigators brings good and bad habits to the legal profession. On the plus side, there’s the refined research skills. On the other hand, stenographers have a hard time keeping up. [Houston Law Review] * The new song “Lady Justice” by lawyer-artist DNA (featuring Zoha). He’s already figured out that all the good songs these days have to be “featuring” someone. Song after the jump…

By Joe Patrice
Deaths

Non-Sequiturs: 11.27.12

* Legendary union leader Marvin Miller died today at the age of 95. This is a guy who lost a huge case at the Supreme Court fighting against Major League Baseball, and still found a way to win. He wasn’t a lawyer, but he mastered the law. [USA Today] * Tax professors weigh in on the fiscal cliff. [Tax Prof Blog] * Jersey Shore residents are suing over sand dune protection from storms. They’re not suing because they’re weren’t protected enough, they’re suing because the new sand dunes block their ocean view. [Asbury Park Press] * Yahoo! and NBA lawyers might need to talk about what, precisely, the NBA is endorsing. [Marc Edelman Blog] * I’m going to go on and vote “no” on the question of whether or not the U.N. should get to “govern” the internet. Wait… I don’t get a “vote” on what the U.N. should do? Well, that sounds like a good reason to go back to not giving a crap about anything the U.N. says. [The Volokh Conspiracy] * Looks like the wheel finally came ’round on InTrade. [Dealbreaker] * The Justice Resource Center, coordinator of the 2013 NYSBA High School Mock Trial Tournament, seeks voluntary attorney-coaches. Help teach young people about the law — and get CLE credit, too! [Justice Resource Center]

By Elie Mystal
Crime

Non-Sequiturs: 10.31.12

* Paul Ceglia lost ANOTHER lawyer, this time after Ceglia got arrested on fraud charges. [Thomson Reuters News & Insight] * A Las Vegas family court judge has been charged with conspiracy, fraud, and money laundering, for allegedly devising and participating in a $3 million investment fraud scheme. So much for that whole “lest you be judged” thing. [8 News Now] * Hunter Moore, the patron saint of creepy revenge porn sites, has been sued by Storage Wars star Brandi Passante for defamation. [Los Angeles Intellectual Property Trademark Attorney Blog] * Speaking of creepy sex, happy Halloween!… unless you’re a registered sex offender. [ABA Journal] * This discrimination ruling may have established a new judicial precedent: the Jersey Shore test. God help us. [Legal Blog Watch] * Remember to send us pictures of your legally themed Halloween costumes for our contest! [Above the Law]

By Christopher Danzig
Biglaw

Morning Docket: 09.26.12

* To prepare for the upcoming term, the Supreme Court added six new cases to its docket. Much to our chagrin, none of them are about gay marriage. In other news, Matt Kaiser was right: this is a term only a lawyer can love. [National Law Journal] * “We are not going to forget where we came from.” As it turns out, not everyone at this firm is a “huge [bleep]hole.” Cozen O’Connor announced this week that Michael J. Heller will step up to serve as the firm’s chief executive officer. [Philadelphia Inquirer] * Apparently law school deans are “merely middle management.” Frank Wu, Chancellor and Dean of UC Hastings Law, gives an interesting insider opinion about what the view is like from the top of the ivory tower. [Huffington Post] * “Caveat emptor makes for a lousy law school motto”: an exposition on why law schools should tell their prospective students the truth about their job prospects after graduation. [Thomson Reuters News & Insight] * Anna Gristina, the Millionaire Madam, pleaded guilty to one count of promoting prostitution. Does this mean we’ll never find out more about the “prominent Manhattan lawyer” who was allegedly a client? [New York Post] * New Jersey Assemblyman Ronald Dancer (ne Fist Pumper) proposed a piece of legislation called the “Snookiville Law.” If it means more cash for the towns that have to suffer wrath of reality TV, then so be it. [CNN]

By Staci Zaretsky
Biglaw

Morning Docket: 04.13.12

* A legal threat goes viral: if you’ve been living under a rock, Epstein Becker & Green is repping Fox News in any legal action brought against Gawker for the “Fox Mole.” [New York Observer] * Jerry Sandusky’s motion to dismiss his child sexual abuse charges have been denied. And the fact that he thought this would get him off is funny on its own. [New York Daily News] * When shouldn’t you flash an expired DA’s ID card at the cops? During a DUI stop. She can always use the “celeb angels and demons made me do it” defense. [Atlanta Journal-Constitution] * New York City’s first female commissioner of the Department of Information Technology is leaving her job to milk the New York Law School cash cow. [Wall Street Journal] * Law schools are snatching up old ass buildings left and right to house new programs and clinics. Looks like upcoming episodes of “Flip This House” will be brought to you by overpriced tuition. [National Law Journal] * Yeah buddy! Apparently acting like a drunken idiot in Sleazeside pays off. A lawsuit has revealed Jersey Shore star DJ Pauly D’s salary per episode, and it rivals a Biglaw starting salary. [The Clicker / MSNBC]

By Staci Zaretsky
Biglaw

Morning Docket: 02.01.12

* Florida: a place where people don’t care about your income tax returns. Mitt Romney dominated the state’s primary, grabbing all 50 of the delegates needed for the Republican nomination. [New York Times] * Entry-level hiring might be down, but lateral hiring is being approached like an NFL draft. Biglaw firms want the best of […]

By Staci Zaretsky
Biglaw

Morning Docket: 12.20.11

* The Supreme Court will hear oral arguments on Obamacare over three days in March. Let’s fast forward to June so we can see how Election 2012 is going to turn out. [Blog of Legal Times] * The Grinch definitely stole AT&T’s Christmas this year, and even a team of Biglaw superstars couldn’t save the […]

By Staci Zaretsky
Jersey Shore

Vinny From Jersey Shore Now Lecturing Columbia Students

Giving a platform to an anti-semitic global strongman is less damaging to your reputation than allowing a cast member from Jersey Shore to address your students. Vinny Guadagnino, the "smart one" from the Jersey Shore who occasionally talks about going to law school, was actually a guest speaker in front of college students at a Columbia University class....

By Elie Mystal
9/11

Morning Docket: 10.17.11

* Wait, is this real? People actually sued al-Qaeda and expect to be paid billions of dollars in damages? Seriously? Having a major “what is this I don’t even” moment over here. [Bloomberg] * Judith Kaye is the new centerfold for the New York State Court of Appeals. She’s the first woman in history whose […]

By Staci Zaretsky